Cancer is a bitch I have to tell to fuck off once a year.
This year I am learning from my past mistakes and I refuse to let fear and worry rob me of one single happy moment. When I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer while 7 months pregnant I was a disaster. No one really knew, except for my husband, who had the crappy job of holding me together. I couldn’t sleep, I imagined my death 100x a day and wondered what my girls life would be like if they grew up without me. Needless to say the worry and fear over the worst possible outcome and the unknown was all consuming.
Now, one year later I am waiting for my follow up ultrasound and so thankful for my current health and the outcome after my surgery. I only lost half of my thyroid and I have an amazing naturopathic doctor who helped me get my hormones back on track quickly. Did it suck to have surgery 8 weeks post partum? Totally, but it could have sucked a lot less if I didn’t let the fear of all the unknowns get the best of me.
Looking back I realize that having a friend, family member or spouse to vent to and tell your worst fears is a saving grace. From the experience I learned that it was ok for me to not be ok, to tell my husband I was sad and he just listened without trying to fix it. It is so normal to have fear over our mortality or the possibility of disability. I think the trick is trying to acknowledge those emotions without letting them completely consume you.
After all that I experienced, I just want to tell you this, take that fear, worry, and anxiety and acknowledge it. Understand it is so human to feel those things and IT IS OKAY TO FEEL them… then tell it to take a fucking hike. Do the things you have control over and DO NOT LET FEAR over things you cannot control consume you.
Easier said than done … I know
Take all that worry, all that anger and fear write it on a piece of paper then crumble it into a tiny ball and tell it to fuck off. The trick is you have to have a place to put those shitty feelings or you will carry it around all day, in the back of your mind and it will take over your attitude, your joy, your happiness.
Everyone has a different approach, some people meditate or talk it out with friends but for me when I have super shitty feelings like anxiety or fear I write it on a piece of paper then burn that bitch or throw it in a trash can that is far away from my house. WHY? Well it makes me feel better to know I acknowledged all the crap bubbling up inside me and to physically remove it from my presence. It might sound bat shit crazy but it works for me!
Do you guys wanna hear more about the thyroid cancer journey or how I deal with it now? Lemme know in the comments below!